So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
