I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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