Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I could fuck to npr.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
