my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You took a bar mat shot.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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