god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When are your genitals available?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
