i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
