I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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