in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
