I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
