too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
