Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
