Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
