She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
