I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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