I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
