Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
