They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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