you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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