Christians are straight up FREAKS
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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