I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
where am i from again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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