I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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