One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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