I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
