im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The best revenge is premature balding
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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