she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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