This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
