sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
