The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
sex in a hospital.. check
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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