shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
