Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you traded sex for a burrito?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
