Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
