Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
