I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
