Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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