There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
