I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
