I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
