After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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