She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
