So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
