But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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