As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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