If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
