You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
