I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
