I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
