Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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