she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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