you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
