would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Randomize
