I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
