My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Randomize
