It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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