Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
